EGGS FINALE

In the morning, Kinder Egg was over. All 150 have been opened. Now, it is time to review.

GROUP SHOT:

This is a really large picture. Click on it to see it full size and drag around and inspect toys.

I love these toys. They're odd, intricate, and have instructions written in a language I can't understand. None of them are based on anything else, like a movie or TV show, as far as I know, but just series of toys that toy designers came up with, and then made them fit inside of little capsules to be covered in chocolate. However, when you have 150 of them, they're not all going to be great. So, before I list the top ten best, here are...

TOP 3 WORST KINDER EGG TOY COUNTDOWN

#3: WHIRLY ANIMAL THINGS

Germans are supposed to be pretty good at engineering, but apparently their designs did not take into account that a thin piece of paper folded into wings don't actually allow a piece of plastic to fly. The instructions show a kid throwing them and the ears spinning, where the rhino/elephant would presumably slowly land on the ground. Unsurprisingly, he just plummets. At least he works as just a boring figurine.

#2: HANDS OF MANY NATIONS

At first they had a kind of novelty for their weirdness, but as I collected more it was a disapointment every time I opened a capsule with one in it, and I got a lot of these, as you can see. I'm not really sure what the purpose of these even are. They have a stamp inside that says "Hello" in the language spoken in the country the hand represents, but why would you want to do that. I guess if you're at the Kinder Egg United Nations you could wear this ring there to show what country you represent. They win some points for being weird so they are not the absolute worst, but still pretty shitty.

#1: SHITTY JIGSAW PUZZLES

There isn't even anything to really say about these. They are jigsaw puzzles. Part of the novelty of the Kinder Eggs is that the toy came out of a little egg inside of chocolate, and with a bunch of cardboard pieces I'm not too impressed. And part of what makes a jigsaw puzzle fun, if you're into them, is them being complicated, and these sure weren't hard. The pieces are also very flimsy and don't stick together well, I had to tape them on the back so they don't fall apart. Luckily I only got two of these.

But that is enough negativity! Now, it is time for...

TOP 10 BEST KINDER EGG TOY COUNTDOWN

#10: MASKED TRIBESMAN  

This guy is a mix between a Playmobil and a Lego, which is pretty cool. He also has two accessories so he's like an action figure. I also found out his hands can hold other stuff pretty well, like a trident that came from one of the other toys. I tend to be fond of toys that are a character more than an automobile or a weird ass hand with a flag on it or something, and this was one I liked a lot.

#9: RACIST IGLOO 

Definitely scoring points for being fucking bizarre. At first it just looks like an eskimo with an igloo, which is an okay toy, but for some insane reason the back of the igloo flips open and there is a racist buck toothed face. Probably the funniest toy out of all of them.

#8: BOY WITH GIANT SLIPPERS  

I don't know why I like this one in particular, but I do. He has a lot of character. He came with a comic in German, where he has these slippers and seems to be really proud of them, but because they are too big he trips and another guy laughs at him. I would take a picture of it but it is inside of a ziplock bag I put all of the instructions for the toys in and I'm not gonna search for it. But he is a good guy. And look how mischievous he is, with his tongue out like that.

#7: PLANT DIORAMA

This one wins points for intricacy. I don't remember exactly how many parts it was, but from looking at this photo I know it was at least seven, all snapping together to form the little scene. The pink flowers on the left can rotate if you move them, as can the sunflower's head. I like that it tells a story, and also that it suggests that snails follow a Mother Snail as if they are ducks.

#6: YAWNING TREANT

Although I've never played a table game of Dungeons & Dragons, I'm really into the idea of it and the monsters and everything, and really Dungeons & Dragons is the basis somewhere down the line of pretty much every RPG or game with mythical monsters in it. So anyway, seeing a treant in Kinder Eggs was pretty cool. Also, he's got an owl that attaches to him and he is yawning.

#5: CREEPY CLOWN

cant sleep clowns will eat me Hahaha, just a little joke for you. ;-) I really like this guy. He is put together like a Mr.Potato Head, with the capsule he came having holes in it to let you place all of the extra parts and make him into a clown. He is also really pretty creepy, which is surprising for a children's toy. Good design.

#4: DROWNING DIVER

The clown was creepy just in the way all clowns are creepy, but this one is just fucking weird. Like, who designed this? Spin the tube around and watch as a diver's helmet springs a leak and the very protective suit he is wearing to avoid the elements becomes his watery grave. Although I'm not sure what kind of diver he even is, considering he is holding a trident. Maybe he just robbed Poseidon's tomb. Also, in the middle panel he looks like the face of your guy from DOOM when he gets hurt.

#3: BENDY CAR MAN

He drives a cool car that can bend in the middle which is not how cars actually work. He has a sharp green suit. He's got a long nose. He looks like a Richard Scarry character if Richard Scarry books had humans in them. Just generally pretty great. When you take him out of the car he is just a little peg, like a game piece, and also him being put in between a slot connecting the two halves of the car is the only thing that keeps the car together.

#2: GIRAFFE

Not only impressive that he fit inside of a little egg, thanks to bendy plastic technology, but a generally cool toy. I really like his head, it is shaped really good and he's got a little eye and it looks really nice. Also, because only his legs and neck have giraffe spots it kind of looks like he's wearing a little giraffe shirt on his torso.

#1: MIGUEL

I got this guy on my first day of opening them, and he really is still my favorite. I'm kind of disappointed I never got any of the other ones in his set, because the instructions showed a guy with a drum and a guitar too. He's pretty intricate mechanically, with a rubber band at the bottom inside him so when you push his head down (which rotates his arms towards each other so it looks like he is squeezing the accordion) it will pop back up. He even has a name in the instructions. He's proudly displayed on my dresser.

WINNER'S CIRCLE:

So, those are my favorites. These will go on a shelf somewhere some day when I get a shelf, in the mean time they are hanging around near my alarm clock. As for the others...

...into the closet! I know they look like they are shoved in there haphazardly, and they are, but they were in there for a week  before I took them out for the group shot and nothing broke or anything, so do not worry about Kinder Injuries. I also kept the capsules, maybe some day I will find something to do with them.

⌐  ∩ ¬

// THANK U 4 JOINING ME ON THIS JOURNEY \\

~ ○ ~ a farewell to kinders ~ ○ ~

EGGS DAY 10

#111: PACK MULE

I thought this was a goat at first but I guess it's probably a mule. Or a donkey. You can ride him up and down the Grand Canyon. That's where people ride mules.

#112:  BLOW UP ELEPHANT

Another one of those inflatable toy guys. That's his trunk on the front, and he has a mouse in it, which I guess is why he is so surprised, but its hard to make it visible. I also accidently ripped him when I was trying to get him to stand up correctly.

 #113, 114 & 115: MORE RABBITS

more

#116 & 117: BENDY CAR DUDES

A repeat of that really cool big nose man, and a new guy in the bendy car series, some hippie dude with flowers on his car and a baby blue turtle neck. 

#118: FLIPBOOK 2

Another, different flip book. Like the other one, it has two stories: one by flipping it the normal way and another by turning it upside down and flipping it over and flipping the other way. The stories seem to involve those glowy toys I got in other eggs who come in pairs and can glow in the dark. One side shows the green guy crossing the bridge and a guy pops out of the water, and the other side shows a guy walking by a tree and then it lights up and a red guy is sitting in the tree.

#119: GREEN AND YELLOW BOAT

Another sailboat, although this one is weird because it seems to have two boat halves and then a thing in the middle, but I guess some boats work that way.

#120: BADASS GIRAFFE

By far the tallest kinder egg toy, even taller than the ones you blow up like the elephant above. He came with 5 thin pieces of plastic, scored in four places so you can fold them up into triangle-cylinders. Then you stick those in the pieces in the torso, and the bottom tan part to secure them in place. It was really hard to get them all in without any falling out. Stands up great, has a cool head. I like giraffe.

#121 & 122: BORING PUZZLES

Puzzles. One is of a giraffe, which isn't really that impressive after I already got giant giraffe toy. The other is of a girl elephant and boy elephant performing in a circus, with an asshole mouse just leaning near where the boy elephant is performing and scaring him.

#123: TADPOLE THING

Not sure what this is supposed to be, some kind of tadpole/spaceship/alien thing. He has a velcro circle on his bottom if you just have some velcro lying around to attach him to, I guess.

#124: WEIRD AQUARIUM THING

Some king of aquarium scene with an octopus and a diver. I broke off the piece that attaches the diver to his place by accident. The instructions show that the wheel is supposed to make the whole thing spin but it just stays in place and I think I might have built it wrong, I dunno.

#125: CAR

The last kinder egg to be opened. A little car, only four parts. So, whatever.

So, that's all of them. I did buy 125, so you would think I ended up counting them correctly, but I gave away 2 so there should only be 123, so I guess I did miscount. At least I didn't undercount though, unless I really messed up. I will post a group shot and the top 10 best toys (in my person opinion not based on official Kinder Quality Rating Scales) soon.

EGGS DAY 9

I noticed I messed up numbering when I had some multiple toys in one pic in the last post so I fixed it. More egg.

#99 & 100: TWO COOL DINOS

Two cool dinosaurs just hanging out. The T-Rex's tail will move when you push his head down, and the other dude (stegosaurus I'm pretty sure, I used to know all of the dinosaur names but then I left 4th grade) has a head that can move left and right. The T-Rex also came with some really helpful information:

You might ask why it says "Tyrannosaurus Rex" when it is a German toy. Well, that's because Tyrannosaurus Rex is the scientific name of the animal as well as the popular name, and so it is in Latin and is written in Latin all the time so scientists can communicate with each other no matter what country they're from, you dumb fucking idiot

#101: LOUNGIN' DUDES

Two guys relaxing. Again, two toys but they came in one egg so they count as one. Like the other one in this set, they can soak up light and then you can take them to a dark place and they'll glow for a little while.

#102: RACE TOP

A top, although not the same kind as all of the other tops I've gotten from Kinder Eggs. But check out that close up. Remember that pilgrim/witch racer lady?

Yeah, that was another toy I got earlier, and now she is on a top. Kinder Kontinuity.

#103 & 104: SLEDDER AND SNOWBOARDER REDUX

theyre guys and you can put em in the thing and press it and they shoot out and the picture is blurry and the one toy isnt all in the frame but its a redux and i dont care and ldjasa alright you get it everybody gets it its great

#105: DIFFERENT BANANA THROWING MONKEY

Very similar to another toy, but he is a different color and has a goofy face with only two teeth. More will grow in soon, though.

#106: YAWNING TREANT

Being a treant is boring as hell. Basically you stand around pretending to be a tree, and eventually someone will come near you and you surprise them that you are more sentient than they assumed. Now, I know treants live way longer than humans and so they have a different sense of time and they don't mind waiting as much as we do, but it could be a really long time before any adventurers run near you, especially if you live in a really secluded forest or inside of a forest maze or something. So this treant is yawning. Also, he's got an owl perched on him.

#107 & 108: AQUATIC JELLY THINGS

Some kind of octopus/jelly fish girl and some kind of blob with sunglasses riding a surfboard. They're supposed to glow in the dark or something but they don't seem to work.

#109: DEVOUT SLUG

This slug is so devout to whatever his religion is that he carries a temple on his back all the time. As you push him along a wheel on the bottom makes the temple bounce up and down. Also, his buck teeth and straw hat are fairly racist, so that's cool.

#110: NATURE DIORAMA

A sentient sunflower is helping a family of snails cross a river by holding her leaf out for them. Isn't that nice. This is a particularly pretty and complicated to build toy, with a lot of parts, but it's not really much of a toy and is just a diorama. I like it though. I can appreciate art.

EGGS DAY 8

MORE TOYS

#86, 87, 88, & 89: MORE TOPS

More tops. I have two of the red one now, as you can see. I almost have the full set, I'm only missing a yellow one. Also, the green one oddly has the face of a Chao from Sonic Adventure on it.

#90: SPINNY SAMURAI

At first I thought this was a third duplicate of the blue spinner things, but this one is different. The other ones are designed so the thing launches off, but this guy stays connected to the thing and he just spins around. I dunno how useful this spin attack will be since both of his swords are sheathed.

#91 & 92: MAGNIFYER FOXES

Two more of these fucking guys. I have three of these, more than any other toy. Fox with cape.

#93: PRINCE WITH SLIPPERS

A little prince boy who has a pair of giant slippers on. He came with a comic all in German.

#94: LADY IN DRESS DUPLICATE

Another one of these.

#95: WEIGHTED TIGER

Another in this series of toys. Cool tiger. Check him out.

 #96: SNAIL PIRATE CAPTAIN

Came preassembled, but pretty cool. The captain of those snail pirates from before. He has a wheel on the bottom and as you slide him along his mustache wiggles.

#97: TOURIST

This guy is labeled on the instructions as "TOURIST" in English. Same series as the other dude with the mask. When you put his hat on it looks really weird because it stands ontop of his hair. He has a camera and binoculars to observe all of the weird masked men.

#98: ESKIMO & IGLOO

This is just an eskimo and he has a little igloo he can go in, no big deal here. Oh, and the back of the igloo flips up to reveal

WHAT THE HELL